Introducing…Renate! She’s new, so play nice.

Hipstamatic.

Now I have nothing against old-look pictures per se, but if you think that in using an iPhone app to make a photo of your breakfast look edgy you’re being avant garde, you are a moron.

Ankle socks with sandles.

And other such bullshit trends. Bullshit because a few years ago you wouldn’t be seen dead wearing such an item, but since Alexa Chung stepped out wearing it it’s suddenly a “must have”.

Facebook.

Stop pretending that everything in your life is “awesome” and that every night is “epic”.  If your life is so great, why are you always on Facebook polluting my news feed?

Oh yeah, and if your Facebook name is first name, ‘nickname in inverted commas’, surname, then you are definitely an idiot.

Compare the Meerkat.

Or any of the other annoying adverts that young people feel the need to create fan pages for and “like” on Facebook.  Sorry to disappoint, but Aleksandr Orlov is not real.  He’s a character dreamt up by an advertising agency to generate custom for one of the most boring websites in existence.  End of.

Tumblr.

“Oooh look at me, I scrolled through the theme garden and chose an arty layout and I reblogged a few edgy photos, I’m so cool and original”.  No, you completely the opposite of this.

Mixing thrift store pieces with high street.

“But I like to mix them!” Yawn.  And doesn’t every girl of our generation?  Nothing wrong with it, just stop acting as though your twee sartorial choices make you an individual.

 

Willow Smith – Whip My Hair

Or any other song it’s okay to like, as long as its in an “ironic” way.  Just admit that Belle and Sebastian doesn’t always hit the spot and that you are a mainstream, shit-muncher like the rest of us.

Nightclubs.

How about we just cut out the middle man and just let everyone hump each other in a warehouse?  No Jagerbombs necessary.

Primark.

Oh everyone just loves the Primark Spring/Summer Lookbook don’t they.  Yeah, it’s on-trend, but it’s still a dirt cheap, ethically dubious label that flies in the face of sustainability.  Plus most garments look shit after a couple of washes, or don’t fit properly in the first place.

Social Media.

Participating in a trending topic or re-tweeting won’t help a cause, likewise putting a cartoon character as your Facebook profile picture will not end child abuse nor generate any money for the NSPCC.  Simple as.

Ren’s not always this grumpy – visit her blog, which is like a rainbow of joy shot from of the eyes of a space-unicorn.